"it is not until time is up that the reality of things ettles upon you" - ???


Well folks this will prolly be my last journal entry until i get back from bootcamp. And even then not sure how long it will be after i get out i will be able to get back here.

Anyway one with the occurences. I Am nervous as hell bout going to boot camp. not really sure what ti will really be like and i still can;t run worth a damn no matter how often i get out and run a while at about a mile or so i end up with a severe cramp in my side and can't run anymore case it feels like someone is stabbing me in my side.

Goona take this weekend and pack up EVERYTHING except enough clothes to last a week and my computer that will be the last thing i do most likely on the 17th or very early on the 18th.

i've got about a DOZEn places that keep calling me demanding moneyu i simply do not have really wearing me thin cause i know even after boot camp i am not gonna have the amounts they are demanding. So no idea what the hell i am gonna do.

Got alot weighing on my mind. in alot of ways i feel like this is kinda the end of my life as it was. When and if i see most of the people i talk to regurly now i dont think i will be the same person i was when i left them. Kinda neat but at the same time very scarey it mean a large portion of my life needs to either be settled now or just be left hanging for all eternity.

Amongst those things are the freinds i have here. Anthony jason gary kristen and a frew others. Also ther is amber. I feel i know what is going to happen there. I am going to try and call her in a few hours on her way home and ask if we can just get some lunch or something and she will most likely tell me no and that will be the end of us forever and permanently cause i am not going to try and kindle a friendship with her when i do not live here. But it would be nice i think to be able to BS with her online or on the phone once in a while and whenever i can get back here maybe chill with her a day or two.

Most likely gonna end up spending all of today with my son. Been a long time since i seen him for more than a few hours. Looking forward to it if i had the gas i would prolly make a ton of runnin around and show him off to a few choice people.

Anyway as i mentioned in my previous journal i am about to finish up a VERY long post about everyone and everythig making any and all of my feelings known towards them. again i give you all the same warning.

This will tell you EVERYTHING i felt about situation we have been through. no holding back and no sugar coating it where i might have before.