" why is there always so much month left at the end of the money"


Kinda words to live by for me for the next 3 weeks or so. am MAJORLY broke. i owe the bank a great deal of money and have no way of paying it back at all before i get out of boot camp. REALLY sucks.

Means my weeks of "vacation" i had planned went straight to hell. Any day now my cell phone is gonne be cut of fcause the bank turned downt he last scheduled payment which means i have no way to get ahold of anyone soon.

My gas tank is nearly empty and i have ONE pack of smokes left. Granted i need to quit smoking preferably before bootcamp. but hell it's gonna be hard when ya don;t have any cigarettes. no gas to go out anywhere and no money to even just go out for a beer. i realyl wanted to do that at least once or twice more with my friends. just go get a few beers bullshit and laugh and just generally have a good time. not lookin like it;s gonna happen.

not sure what to do with my time anymore. My best friend has his own apartment now. so i tend to spend alot of time there it only to get out of my room for a few hours a day. and oh my god i can't tell you how nice it is to just be able to watch smallville and heros again without being in my dads room.

there are alot of things i really really really wanted to do before i left and it looks like none of them are gonna happen. well at least the vast majority of what i was hoping for is not going to happen. I think my bud and me will end up hanging out plenty since i am half living at his place. My dad and i will still do something and i still plan to spend a day with my son. But things like jumping into my car and heading to see my mom and sisters is not gonna happen. was hoping to go see a few other friends i had not seen in a while as well. but again being utterly broke is killing me and my time here.

Kinda wanted to try and Give amber a call and try to just have a friendly lunch or something like that with her. I serisouly doubted she would have accepted but still would like to have tried. Guess i kinda wanted to see if we could even do that. Just meet once in a great while and laugha nd bullshit. Still bugs me in a few ways that we spent so much time together had so many great moments and it still somehow ended like this. I am long over her but i guess there is always that aprt of people that wants to know that two people who once shared a deep love could at least share a meal. if that makes sense.

But as well now i plan to write a HUGE thing i have been meaning to write for about amonth now. laying bare my feelings about everyone and everything. started working on it a few weeks ago but kinda lost track of it between helping my buddy move watching some new series and catching avatar once a week as well as hanging with some of my other friends.

But a fair warning to all of you who might read it now. i lay EVERYTHING out. no hlding back no sprinklin it with sugar and no takin it easy. if you do not want to know what i feel and think of you or the situations we;ve been through DO NOT READ IT!!

Anyway, am feeling the urge to sit down and read for a while so will whip out a book and get to do that.