"how about we make it seem as though princess diane and prince charles are having an affair" - Dr Evil

"that also has already happend"-Number2

"shit"- Dr Evil


UGH. that almost sums up the whole of how i am feeling. I will never understand why the human condition is always balance of negative and positive. Good and evil. right and wrong.

I say that because it seems as though for every good in my life there must an evil that is begotten of it. I a few months ago had my car eat itself through no real fault of my own just one of those things that happens. And it takes forever to get it resolved through the insurance company. why? oh take a guess. THEY made an error and i paid for it.

Took damn near two months to get the whole thing settled but supposedly i get my car back within the next few days. Here is where the balance comes in. I fought hard and long with a company that could affrod to replace my car a hundred times over and not blink in financial pain. And when i finnaly do get them to remunerate what they owe me......Yup yo guessed it....someone else wants money or the car will be taken from me.

And who swoops to the supposed rescue??!! none other than the woman who shattered what passed for my soul. ( hi ) She offers to give me help and it was utterly unexpected...but do i want to accept it....this is the one person on the planet...well one of two...that has the power to make or break me on their whim..i wish i could say i thought her help would be freely offered and nothing ill would come of it...but the truth is i have no faith i once thought giving her my heart my soul and my body and all that come with it would end well....HAH...i have no other word than that for it.

I guess i am just confused. i Save a man from massive amounts of pain and disfigurement ( burning rubber go splash ) and my reward? LMAO i honestly find this amusing....pain and disfigurement. thought not int he way he would have sufered it. He would have got a face and chest full of flaming rubber that would have ended his good looks. I got a tattoo that will paoin me for a few weeks and then will be FRIGGIN AWESOME!! ( pics to follow )

It just seems to me that life has accumulated a balance and in the grand sceheme of things i am to be the one who is eternally chasing the star thaty will never quite come into veiw.

For what it's worth i know what i want and i know what i need. but as would be the balance for the man who i given those rare gifts....it is the thing i cannot have nor can figure how to be happy without.

in closing true beleivers....Count the blessings stack the curses because perhaps one day...maybe....just maybe....the time to rumerate will come and you will come out on top......me...i'll see you in the pit of those who despite the effor were not enough.

"I find your lack of faith disturbing"- Darth Vader


It's been a while folks. So hullo and happy to have ya readin again. I wish i could report all sunshine and puppy dogs...but as the cycle of human exsistance deamnds nothing goes as all should.

Anyone who has read my journal before knows i am a sailor in the unisted states navy. Beyond that i can tell you nothing about the specifics beyond a very very vague picture.

My car ate itself a few weeks ago and my last hope after seemed to have set itself ablaze just to spite me a shiney silver ray showed itself and hoping my insurance will cover it.

As for me myself as a person and as a human. I find i ma sorely lacking. The strength i gained from ilitary traning seems to be slowly ebbing away draning me of energy and drive. I am doing well so i have to admit i am confused. how can i be doing so well and at the same time be slowly fading. Am i just over worked? under sleeping?

I don't know. I am keeping up my dailey routine and good humor but under it i feel i am slipping away form who i am. and that is my problem i REFUSE utterly and totaly to give up who i am. nothing is worth that. I am only the sum of who i have come to be and i will trade nothing for it. If The woman i once loved were to show up tommrow asking to be taken back and tell me she was willing to do all i ever wanted of her i would not take it if it meant giving up who i was. Does that make sense to anyone?

Why do i keep asking questions on here? no one has ever responded to anything i ask on here.

Suffice it to say folks. I am giving it my all. Trying my best. Giving it the old heave Ho and driving all my ebergy against a brick wall that seems to be immovable. But that does not mean i will stop..:::Sigh::: unfourtunatly part of who i am is a person that will throw himself all at one goal until it kills him or said goal is attained.

Chuck Norris does'nt wear a condom cause there is no such thing as protection form chuck norris.


Well i did'nt imagine my next entry would be this soon but i can't sleep and i got nothing better to do.

I think thats a big part of my problem right now with not being able to sleep the last few days. I have'nt done anything besides go to class come back and sit and wait for the day to be more or less over. Had this problem a while back to. Got really frustrated and angry when i would just sit there all weekend for lack of any money to go do something or if i actually had money company. ( Never liked going out and doing anything on my own i like to have company along for the fun )

And thats what i have done now for the last two weeks. Nothing. WHile it is far more relaxing to be here than it is in TSC It's alot more time on my hands that i have not a blessed thing to do with. Can only spend so many hours of the day BSin on the phone with the same people you talked to a few days ago and thats obvisouly a quickly degenerating amount of time you spend on the phone each day.

And then my finances are getting REALLY!! bad tot he extent i am in real danger of being booted from the submarine force and potentially the Navy. Been kinda stressin about that lately...well should'nt say sorta been really stressin over that. Of course the banks wont loan me money cause i owe money. the FFSC is'nt willing to help my situation my parents can't do much of anythign really and the only other person i know with the financial ability to help has his own bills.

So yeah really friggin stressed out. Hell i even noticed today that i have ALOT mor grey in my hair than i did even just 5 months ago. Think the stress might be getting to me a lil bit. Trying to stay positive and it;s working for the most part i still have loads of laughs all day long in class when we have downtime. I still laugh at good jokes and all that just when i have nothing to occupy my immediate attention my mind start to wander towards the stressing factors and i get kinda tense.

anyway enough of putting my thoughts into words heh i think there are only even three possibly four peopl who read this anyway. It's mostly for me anyway somethign i cna look back on when feeling nostalgic and remeber that time in my life.

Anyway fellas gonan make an attempt at the sandmans job. Best of wishes to you all.

"Sir...i think i just found waldo" -periscope operator



Ahhh so good to be back here again really truely feels like it has been nearly an age. BUt i am back at least for the time being. Well since my last entry months ago i got out of THU. Finished my A-School and am now taking my C-School.

Life is right now a wonderful thing. NOw that i am out of great lakes i am a ae that is by far more relaxed. I am sleeping in a real bed. I am getting a signifigant amount of time each day ( 4-5 ) hours instead of maybe one or two a day like i was previsouly.

I have actually been made class leader for my group and it's working out beautifuly. Feels good to be doing something again rather than just sitting and waiting for the next session of training. And here i even kinda look forward to the training you geta good laughs some good info and a lil bit of hands on.

As for me myself on the personal level. Well in all honesty not much has changed. I still love a good laugh i still have the motivation and drive The Navy taught me. BUt now that i do have a lil free time feelin a lil lonely as well. noea sure why i'm not pining away for some buxom blonde served on a hot plate of money. But it would be nice for a little companionship of the opposite sex.

As cool as it is to be able to mess around with the guys all day after about 5 months of that you start to just say to yerself " i miss boobs" which is not entirely untrue LOL god do i miss boobs. Ithink what i really want is to be able to go out and have some good laughs with not an entirely male crowd. I am concinced this place is cursed every chick half worth talking to is either 16 and had her dad drop her off to the mall and of course he wil be a 4 star admiral and thats besie the fact shes only 16. Or they are so god awfully bitchy you want to strangle them with whatever happens to be handy. I swear sometimes i think at a random stage in a womans life she snaps her Bra on the wrong way once and it triggers a hulkish transformation that can only be appeased with mass quantities of chocolate...or your intestines stuck in their teeth.

Anyway gotta go doe a few hias just one here for a quick hop to make myself known again. for those of you who actualy read this YO for those of you who never read this..well...hell Semper Fortis to ya pal

" i have not yet begun to fight" John Paul Jones


Ahhhh free at last form the nightmare that was basic training in great lakes illinois. a LONG process i know it was only actually two months but holy crap it feels so much longer than that when you are constantly worried about being ITed and Made to do bunk drills for hours on end. which by the way is never endingly irritating. It consists of stripping your wrack. PUtting your sheets back on perfectly. then do it again till Petty Officer gets bored.


but on the other hand i learned a hell of alot of discipline and drive. I am more or less the same person i was going into basic traning only more motivated and driven to accomplish whatever it is my black little heart desires at teh time. and hey i get to use pirate sayings now and noone can argue so avast ye swabbies. hehe god i love it.

Got put in THU though cause of pnuemonia. Temporary holding unit for you civilians. Until i get another CT scan on my chest and it's all clean and cleared out i'll be here but once that is done i can go over to my A scool where i can finally put on comfy clothes and have a cell phone agin as well as a laptop of my own rather than paying ten cents a minute to be on here. It really is expensive to be here. doing laundry pressing uniforms spending a lil time online or on the phone damned near everythiong costs a small fourtune.

But on the other hand you don;t really pay much in the way of food or rent or shit like that unless you already have bills when you came in here which of course i did. So Am making arrangments one by one to start paying them down cause i never really have much time to spare. and by the time they call liberty most days the banks and whatnot are closed.

Anyway this was only a brief update to kinda make everyone aware i am back again and able to check this crap from time to time. hopefully in about a month i will be here on a daily basis and get more involved. until then my friends Semper Fortis and hooyah