"how about we make it seem as though princess diane and prince charles are having an affair" - Dr Evil

"that also has already happend"-Number2

"shit"- Dr Evil


UGH. that almost sums up the whole of how i am feeling. I will never understand why the human condition is always balance of negative and positive. Good and evil. right and wrong.

I say that because it seems as though for every good in my life there must an evil that is begotten of it. I a few months ago had my car eat itself through no real fault of my own just one of those things that happens. And it takes forever to get it resolved through the insurance company. why? oh take a guess. THEY made an error and i paid for it.

Took damn near two months to get the whole thing settled but supposedly i get my car back within the next few days. Here is where the balance comes in. I fought hard and long with a company that could affrod to replace my car a hundred times over and not blink in financial pain. And when i finnaly do get them to remunerate what they owe me......Yup yo guessed it....someone else wants money or the car will be taken from me.

And who swoops to the supposed rescue??!! none other than the woman who shattered what passed for my soul. ( hi ) She offers to give me help and it was utterly unexpected...but do i want to accept it....this is the one person on the planet...well one of two...that has the power to make or break me on their whim..i wish i could say i thought her help would be freely offered and nothing ill would come of it...but the truth is i have no faith i once thought giving her my heart my soul and my body and all that come with it would end well....HAH...i have no other word than that for it.

I guess i am just confused. i Save a man from massive amounts of pain and disfigurement ( burning rubber go splash ) and my reward? LMAO i honestly find this amusing....pain and disfigurement. thought not int he way he would have sufered it. He would have got a face and chest full of flaming rubber that would have ended his good looks. I got a tattoo that will paoin me for a few weeks and then will be FRIGGIN AWESOME!! ( pics to follow )

It just seems to me that life has accumulated a balance and in the grand sceheme of things i am to be the one who is eternally chasing the star thaty will never quite come into veiw.

For what it's worth i know what i want and i know what i need. but as would be the balance for the man who i given those rare gifts....it is the thing i cannot have nor can figure how to be happy without.

in closing true beleivers....Count the blessings stack the curses because perhaps one day...maybe....just maybe....the time to rumerate will come and you will come out on top......me...i'll see you in the pit of those who despite the effor were not enough.